hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
