after a month anything with tits is on the radar
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
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