I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
