I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Randomize
