just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
