I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
