I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Randomize
