you guys were way drunker than both of me
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
