Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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