I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
i came on her dog
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
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