I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
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