sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
