stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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