I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
You spend 45 minutes trying to convince that pregnant girl you were with all night to have sex with you cause 'the worst had already happened.'
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
All I want is dick and wine.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
