I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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