I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
So much rum. So many feels.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
