trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
Randomize
