took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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