a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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