can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
