hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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