dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
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