Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
