Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
just tell him i said nine months
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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