Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
