I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize
