Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
We have so much sex to catch up on
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
Randomize
