Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
