where am i from again
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
Rumble strips road head = magical
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
Randomize
