lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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