i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
