what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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