Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
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