Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize
