just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Will you be topless? That will affect my answer.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I got so drunk last night I took a ice bath with my mother in law
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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