I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
