dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
Randomize
