he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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