Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
