Sry I called you an 8
Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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