lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
