I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
