New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
who is that guy in your bed? he looks like jesus..way to keep it festive
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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