Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
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