Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
