I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
