These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
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I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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