apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
