every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
