think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
