Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
My day in three words: secret purse cake
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
