Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
