i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I'm having to shit out rocks
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