maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
zippers are such a cool invention
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
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