i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
Randomize
