i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
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