I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
operation have a gay friend backfired
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
Went to bed with a bowl of spaghetti O's on my chest, I make my own breakfast in bed. New level of laziness
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
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