Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
