There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
