its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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