you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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