No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
i just remembered the time you guys tried to give me an intervention because i was drunk before 5 on a monday
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Randomize
