You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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