we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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