So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
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