You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
