I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Randomize
