Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
Randomize
