The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
Randomize
